Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
