yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
nutella sex= disaster
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
