Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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