i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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