what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
