Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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