2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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