we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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