I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
