Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize