I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He passed out mid-signature
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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