Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
