I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
