He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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