people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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