He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
