Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize