we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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