I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
