do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
