The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
