Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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