I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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