Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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