My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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