So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
