Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
