He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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