Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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