You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
