Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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