Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
