So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
