he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
