saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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