he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
