Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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