dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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