wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
