you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
