i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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