you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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