Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
