So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
