one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
