There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just gift wrapped bread.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
