Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
