dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
