I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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