The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
