Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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