Your dad touched me again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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