Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
