So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
