"it" just moved
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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