At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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