Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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