I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
two words...techno handjob
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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