I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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