Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
