Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
