I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
