my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
