just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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