What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
