he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
