yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
