Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
