lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
