Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am naked and annoyed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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