If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
