stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
